Adapted from Lehigh University's parent page

Source: Dr. Ian Birky, director of Lehigh's counseling and psychological services

Few would argue with the notion that leaving home for college is one of the most challenging passages in a young person's life. Adapting to a new environment, making new friends, handling the rigors of academic life -- and all without the safety net of onsite parental support -- can make the first few weeks at college a difficult and emotionally wrenching experience for many.

But what many students may not realize that is that the transition can present just as many emotional landmines for parents as well.

"In the orientation sessions we have with parents, we often hear the same concerns over and over: 'Will my child get enough sleep?' 'Will my daughter be safe?' 'Can he cut it academically?'  'Will my child "fit in" and make friends?' Students would probably be surprised to learn how much parents worry about their children adjusting to their new environment," says Ian Birky, director of counseling services at Lehigh University.

"Just some awareness of that reality can go a long way in addressing that anxiety," says Birky, who also offers the following tips for students:

• Find a way to express gratitude. "Most parents make a tremendous investment their child's life, both emotionally and financially," Birky says. "If the student can figure out some way to convey to his parents that he realizes this, it would probably comprise close to 80 percent of what the parents value hearing from their children."

For many students, Birky says, this is the first time in a child's life when they can gain perspective on the hard work and sacrifices their parents made to help them get here. "It would be a good time to let them know that," he says.

• Think about the greatest concerns your parents might have and address them. If you think, for example, that your mother will be worried that you won't get enough sleep, reassure her that you'll try to be in bed by a reasonable time. If you think your parents will worry about personal safety, assure them that you'll exercise common sense when you go out.

• Set a goal for yourself and articulate it to your parents.  "I tell the athletes I counsel that setting a goal and sharing it publicly greatly influences the likelihood that they'll achieve that goal," says Birky. "New students can do the same by telling their parents that they'll shoot for a 3.0, or will promise not to drink during the school week."

At the very least, students can attempt to assure their parent that they'll at least try their best to adhere to personal goals and understood family values. Such an exercise assures parents that the student isn't squandering educational opportunities while it reinforces the student's commitment to personal goals, Birky says.

• Have a healthy discussion about what you'll miss about being home and, if a family dynamic supports such candor, what you'll be relieved to leave behind.

"We often ask parents these same questions in our orientation sessions, and it really helps them to clarify their feelings," he says.  "I think it's also helpful for students to think about these issues as well, and it might be a very positive experience for parents to hear that there are some things that their child will miss about home."

• Set up some sort of structure for staying in contact. Whether it's a once-a-week phone call or a daily email, parents will feel better knowing that they'll have some sort of ongoing contact with their child. Students should also let parents have the name of another person -- a friend, trusted advisor, coach -- who they could call to help contact their child in the event of an emergency.

• If you call your parents only during low emotional points, be sure to let them know when circumstances have improved or the situation changed.  "If the only contact a parent has is a tearful phone call at three in the morning," that's the image left in the parent's mind until they hear to the contrary," says Birky. "But it's very likely that the whole circumstance changed overnight and the student has forgotten about it. "That doesn't mean they shouldn't call their parents for emotional support, he added. "Just don't make that the only time you talk to them," he says.

• Invite parents for a visit after you've settled in.  "The dynamic has changed," says Birky. "Their dorm room is now their home, and parents might not want to be too intrusive and cramp their kid's style. But parents are real people and usually appreciate graciousness and invitations."

• Return the favor of small gifts or "care packages" by perhaps sending photos of your room, friends or your campus. Birky suggests mailing home a disposable camera after you've snapped off a few photos and having parents develop it, or scanning in photos that can be transmitted by email.

"Again, there is the idea of gratitude and acknowledgement," he says. "I don't think we can emphasize that enough. Students probably don't realize how much that means to a parent, and what a pleasure it would be hear those expressions of gratitude."