Letting Go

College life is a continual process of change, growth, and decision-making for your daughter or son. A college student is frequently faced with many personal issues that may challenge his or her beliefs and values. As your daughter or son enters this new stage, you as parents may find the adjustment challenging and difficult. The following are some tips that you may use to help ease the transition.

Accept change ... it is going to happen

Students will be exposed to and learn about themselves and new things. They may grow opinions about how the rest of the world should be run. They may also come home with a new style and attitude. All of this is normal and part of their new developing identity. Just remember that styles change, hair will grow back, and attitudes can be replaced by new ones.

Refrain from asking if they are homesick

Students need time to adjust to their new surroundings and meeting new people. They may be able to work through their homesickness if they are not reminded of it.

Let them make their own decisions ... even poor ones

Decision-making is difficult enough for students without also feeling that their parents are second-guessing them. You may give your opinion if asked, but let them decide the final outcome. Understand that they will make mistakes and show your support even if the outcome is not perfect. Their willingness to make a decision and abide by the consequences suggest they are growing and maturing.

Don't feel burdened by depressing phone calls

Students may call home to release their emotions. After discussing their troubles, they may feel relieved and return back to their normal routine. Be patient with phone calls and letters about how nothing is going right. You may feel some stress and anxiety, but you are providing the unsung job of a counselor and sympathetic ear.

Keep in touch and write

Students may be somewhat independent, but they still like to know what is happening back home. Students enjoy a good letter for gossip or display. However, don't always expect them to reply. After all, they are busy with classes and homework.

Visit (but with advance warning)

Students love parental visits for their accompanying shopping sprees and dinners. Students may not admit it, but they appreciate the occasional visit, but make sure you let them know ahead of time so that they don't have to cancel any previous plans.

"These are the best years of your life."

Try not to quote this phrase. Especially during the first year, college holds many difficult as well as many positive experiences. It takes time for students to adapt to all these emotions of college life. Understand that they will make mistakes. It is important that you show your support.

Prepare for their return home

When students come home for vacation, remind them of the rules of living at home.

(Adapted from "Putting Someone Through College," J. O'Conner, Oregon State University)